++ The Serial Killer Song ++
( Written to the tune of Johnny Cash's One Piece at a Time )


When I got married to Leatherface
It was in a quiet, peaceful place
Nothing like the horror stories say
I thought he was just kiddin' when
He told me his mask was made of skin
But then I was chased away by the rest of his kin

One day I went to Crystal Lake
With some of my friends for a getaway
But they didn't know I was using them as bait
Running from Jason's a bit of a chore
And I knew there'd be blood all over the floor
But hey - that's what friends are for!

Norman Bates was quite the heartthrob
So clean and friendly and unlike a slob
At least until I found out I had married his mom
Well, she chased me down with a kitchen knife
And I knew I had to run for my life
I guess that's what I get for being her wife

Hannibal Lecter, he wanted to eat me
The clown called It just wanted to beat me
And Freddy Krueger wouldn't even haunt my dreams.

CHORUS
There's something sexy about guys
With a knife in their hand and death in their eyes
And a mask on their head is something you can't despise
You can say I'm crazy, you can say I'm a crack
But either way I ain't going back
If you don't like it you can kiss my sorry ass

Most people won't do it, they're all afraid
But hey, can you blame them? It's how they're made.
But for me it's the only way I can get laid.
But if you're like me, the Adventurous type
You're bound to have the time of your life
Of course that all depends on how long you survive.

I knew Michael Myers was a little strange
He had the honeymoon pre-arranged
His poor little sister didn't know a thing
When we got to her house it was late at night
But she was ready and we had to fight
She kicked my ass and it was an awful sight

Silent Hill was where I would tread
I met a man named James Sunderland
And he told me about this guy named Pyramid Head
He said it ain't rape if you let him do it
But believe me, I certainly wouldn't
The guy's guys got maggots filling him to the brim.

Hannibal Lecter, he wanted to eat me
The clown called It just wanted to beat me
And Freddy Krueger wouldn't even haunt my dreams.

CHORUS
There's something sexy about guys
With a knife in their hand and death in their eyes
And a mask on their head is something you can't despise
You can say I'm crazy, you can say I'm a crack
But either way I ain't going back
If you don't like it you can kiss my sorry ass

Most people won't do it, they're all afraid
But hey, can you blame them? It's how they're made.
But for me it's the only way I can get laid.
But if you're like me, the Adventurous type
You're bound to have the time of your life
Of course that all depends on how long you survive.